Aging Weekend Warriors

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I watched some old guys play baseball a couple Saturdays ago. It was a beautiful sunny day, clear skies and easy breezes as I sat on the bleachers and watched and listened, partly for the enjoyment of the game and being outdoors; and partly wearing my baseballanthropologist hat. People watching is great fun.

The players were all over the age of 45 as this was the 45+ senior men’s community baseball club. Most of them had been lovers of the game from childhood having played since their own little league days. Another spectator was sitting near me on the bleachers. He was 52 years old and his 15 year old son sat next to him. The dad bragged about his son’s baseball achievements. The boy sat quietly. His father had been invited to play for one of the teams we were watching that day.

The players began by buttoning and lacing up, stretching, throwing balls, catching, swinging bats, and jogging around the bases. A few of them un-wrapped pink bubble gum and stuck it into their mouths. Chewing gum was apparently part of the baseball ritual. I smiled as I overheard one of the guys tell another player about one of his teammates, “he’s 60 years old and can run those bases really well.” “I just had knee replacement surgery man; we’ll see how it goes.”

As the aging weekend warriors played I noticed they did things for each other. When one of the older men was tired and didn’t feel he could run the bases, another player who wasn’t as tired ran for him. The old guy would swing his bat, hit the ball and the slightly younger or less tired teammate ran the bases in his place. Several complained of cramps or aches but they helped each other out.

Watching this game gave practical meaning to bible verses about being strong when another is weak, and accepting strength from our friend when we ourselves are weak. It also reminded me of ways a body works together and compensates for members who may be struggling at any given time. Sometimes we need a sister or brother to run for us because we’re just too tired to do it ourselves. We drop our ball and rest for a while, and stand up to bat again when our energy is replenished. There was lots of good embodied theology on that baseball field of aging weekend warriors.

No one extends grace

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I grew up hearing repeatedly to not expect non-Christians to act like Christians. It seemed to make sense then. If you don’t know Jesus, how could you expect to live by the example and rules set forth in scripture?

But this no longer seems to make sense. I know too many Christians who are, quite frankly, horrible people. They lie, cheat, lord power over others, have affairs…you get the idea. I also know many non-Christians who are kind, loyal and seek daily to help others. Lest you think I am completely jaded, I also know MANY, MANY Christians who intentionally live below their means so they may help others at any time, who are kind, thoughtful, and working for a better world and too many good things to write.

Here’s what is prompting this pondering. I spent 45 min on the phone this morning with 4 different agents from a credit card company. My mother has been in the hospital for several months now and I have been tending the bills. One card I paid off returned with a new charge. Knowing she hasn’t even been walking, I assumed she had not snuck out and been to this store. When I called, they said it was a late fee. The last payment arrived 12 hours late. I asked for a reversal as I had called to let them know it was on the way and the only charge was an exorbitant late fee. The woman on the other end became argumentative with me saying a policy is a policy and it did not matter the circumstances that “no credit card companies extend grace, no one extends grace”. I let her know this was simply not true. I asked to speak to a supervisor and she said she was done with the call and hung up on me. The next time I tried calling, we were disconnected. The third time, I received a person I could not understand and he could not understand me. The fourth time, a woman who took one look at the history of payments and said there was no reason not to reverse charges. (And that courtesy without me having to unveil the drama of our last few months and dealing with mom’s health.)

I am most intrigued by the woman who said “no one extends grace”. Is this really how she lives and what she believes? What a seemingly dismal way to go through life. Yet, I have certainly had days where that feels to be true.

Today, I am going to make a concerted effort to extend grace. Even when what I really want to do is yell at the anonymous person at the other end of the phone.

re-post from Andrew Sullivan

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Well two things seem to be conspiring against me this week. Grades are due…and it is National No Screen Week. My daughter has taken this very seriously so finding any moments without her chastising me for sitting at the computer has been a trick.

In the spirit of the week but not wanting to offer nothing. I realized it had been quite some time since I horrified anyone virtually by ignoring taboos. My students in class tell me I horrify them regularly.

A pastor friend sent this link to me this week with the admonition that those of us who care about teenagers, who really care about them and their future lives as adults have to pay attention to this and be willing to talk about it. I do, and I am.

Andrew Sullivan posted “Being master of your own domain” with comments by many. It is worth the listen to the Ted talk, and the reading of the comments. Enjoy!

Do we even know how to grieve any more?

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Do we even know how to grieve any more? or have we lost the ability or capacity to do so?

Save me O God, for the waters have threatened my life. I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters and a flood overflows me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched…Psalm 69:1-3

Scripture is filled with lament. Ironically, when it comes to heartache and conversations surrounding the church what I hear most is a move to pass swiftly beyond anything remotely uncomfortable and to be enveloped in comfort and hope for the future. It is almost as if we are afraid of sitting with the ache of grief. As if we are afraid to sit at the base of the cross. I hear this kind of move most often from adolescents. They are told that they are too young to know real sorrow. They are told that with experience they will learn how to find hope in all situations. They are told that they are in the easiest season of life and they should be grateful as the responsibilities and real life struggles haven’t yet begun.

I was in Seminary in Ft. Worth, TX when the Oklahoma City Bombing took place. We were close enough to have peers who had first hand connections but far enough away to still not fully get it. While being shocked in general what I recall most was being shocked at the iconic photo of a firefighter carrying a bloody infant in his arms. It doesn’t stand out to me for being so horrific, it stands out because I recall NOT being particularly impacted by the graphic nature of the photo. I had seen so many movies, shows and art where such things were depicted that by the time I was seeing the real thing, it seemed to just be a part of every day life, nothing out of the ordinary. But it was.

The Boston bombing took place a week ago. Since then there has been an explosion in West, TX and a shooting in a suburb of Seattle, WA. Not to mention dozens of local tragedies and worldwide horrors.

When I spoke with some teens this past weekend I was struck both by their knowledge of what had taken place in the last week and how “normal” they found it to be. There was no shock. There was no pondering God in this broken world. There was no grief over the loss of human life. They have seen and heard so much in their lifetimes that this is simply a part of the fabric of their worlds.

Nothing within me wants for adolescents to live in fear or struggle to cope with each new horrific incident. But I do want for them to know that this is real human life being lost. That those who were once breathing and now are not were created in the image of God just as they were. I want for them to know how to grieve and lament as part of the rhythm of life.

Perhaps we as adults need to figure out how to spend a little more time actually grieving and learning healthier coping mechanisms. For ourselves and so that we may pass on to the next generation a healthier way that maybe, just maybe doesn’t have to end in tragedy for an entire community.

19

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Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

At 19 a typical American male might be witnessed yelling at the screen of a video game, washing the old car he’s quite proud of, playing sports, falling asleep in class at a college somewhere, looking for girls to …, and working hard at a fast food restaurant. Chechen born American naturalized citizen Dzhokhar Tsarnaev may have done all those things, but he also allegedly took part in helping his older brother carry out an act of terrorism in the fatal bombing of strangers at the Boston Marathon a week ago. Dzhokhar has been described as a quiet, kind, and friendly, boxing enthusiast. His elder brother described as more outgoing, extrovert, friendly.

As I was watched and listened to too much news yesterday, reporters and “experts” gave their take on what could possibly cause an apparently “good kid” by all accounts go bad, I began to feel tired and weary. All the speculation, the waiting, the talk game, the hyper-news spectacle, it was too much. The TV kept flashing the young man’s face, he looked innocent… whatever innocent looks like. His brother, 26 year old Tamerlan Tsarnaev was dead by now, leaving his younger sibling to fend for himself. Whose idea was it to bomb, and why?

After a day of intense waiting behind barricades, cheers suddenly broke from the crowd which signaled that Dzhokhar had been captured. He had been hiding in the stern of a boat parked in the back of someone’s home. The kid was in bad condition, bleeding, apparently shot, and taken to a hospital for care. Authorities want to assure he stays alive. They want answers. We all want answers. What would make seemingly average and content young people (so they say) do something so terrible to people who had not hurt them? There are always clues.

It’s all speculation at this point until and if the surviving young man decides to speak. But their father who resides in his home country of Chechnya, said via phone that his sons are not responsible for this act, his sons are good boys and not involved in violence or terrorism of any sort. He said they liked living in America and were happy there. He insisted the American authorities must be mistaken in accusing his sons of this heinous act.  Their uncle, on the other hand, living in the U.S. said he’s ashamed of what the boys had done, calling them “losers” saying “they had not been able to settle themselves thereby hating everyone who did.”

And of course there are the words from the elder brother who is noted as having said he didn’t have one American friend, he just didn’t understand them (Americans).

I don’t know these young men and I don’t know the answers. Perhaps all that will unfold for us over the next few days and weeks. However, after twenty years of youth ministry work and training, one thing I think I know by now and that is, a young person, particularly a 19 year old male who may feel displaced, with a fragile sense, a distorted sense, or no sense of communal belonging, nurture and support, all of which helps create and seal a sense of identity and purpose… in the worst case scenario, even a “good kid” is capable of almost anything.

 

When did lack of training become a badge of honor?

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In the last six months I have met many people longing for training in ministry. Wishing they could go to seminary. Wishing that something was offered locally.

I recall being in seminary and meeting person after person who had saved or their village had saved for nearly a decade for them to be trained and every moment in class was considered a privilege and gift. (I want to be clear, I don’t think all seminary or all trainings are the answers to better ministry but…there is wisdom in the ongoing conversation and learning from others.)

And then there is the polar opposite group I keep meeting or hearing about. There is a sort of pride that comes in holding a position of leadership with no training what-so-ever. They walk with cockiness (or sheer naivete) and talk of how “God has blessed them” and that they were “just the right person at the right time”. They also talk of getting to do things beyond what they are capable and how great that is. What is bugging me today are those who seem to think they already know everything expressing no desire for training or leadership. In fact, just the opposite.

In the last two weeks I have heard

* of a youth leader (seminary student at that but with no training in youth ministry) who thought it was perfectly appropriate to state the name of his church and that nude photos of himself had been posted with comments from students in the ministry.

* of a youth leader infriending a parent after a snarky comment online but keeping the junior high and HS daughters as friends.

* of a trip being taken with no permission slips or medical release forms at all.

* of a youth leader stating there was no need for conversation about the atonement during the Easter holidays as his youth just weren’t interested.

* of a youth leader being asked to take a denominational position and telling me that despite only having taken one course at the undergrad level and almost three years of internship and part time ministry, he was ready to pass on his wisdom.

* of a group of youth leaders being offered a conference on working with teens in crisis for 25% of the cost, in their hometown so no travel expenses, and they decided it was more beneficial to hold their weekly planning meeting and didn’t want to interrupt that schedule.

* of a college stripping down classes so that even if an admin aide with no experience in ministry had to step in as the instructor, he or she could facilitate the syllabus and assignments at the level they desire.

* That gifted students should be encouraged to study anything but ministry because there is no financial future in it and you don’t really need training anyway.

So how is all of this lack of training working for the church?

I could go on but it alternately depresses me and makes me angry. I still go to trainings. I still talk with others about their ideas and what is taking place, even when I don’t agree with them. I still believe that the blessing we have with an abundance of resources is not to be taken lightly.

Pride in a lack of training is not a badge of honor. It is a red flag with dire circumstances waiting to happen.

It also speaks volumes of how we value young people. We require training for almost every field and value what is brought to the table. This should be no different when working with adolescents, early middle and emerging adults. They too are the church and valuable beyond belief. It’s time we all started treating them as such.

Comments from “An Open Letter to the Church from My Generation”

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I am constantly concerned for the damage we do to young people in the name of ministry. (I equally try to celebrate what is done well!) I write about it often here on this blog.

I had a former student (thanks D.A.!) send this post to me yesterday and not only is the actual post one we need to hear from within this current adolescent generation but the comments are especially telling. We wonder why so many don’t want to be a part of our churches but they want to be a part of the church? Just read the comments. One in particular responds to the young woman who wrote the blog saying “This is why your generation sucks.” Really…? Is that the care and concern Jesus demonstrated for others?

Regardless of where you land on the issue she addresses, she is speaking for many, not all, but many. Her post is a little lengthy itself but offers insight. Don’t give up. Read it then look to the comments and decide for yourself if that is the church as you want it to be.

An Open Letter to the Church from My Generation

What would cause you to sever ties with your tradition?

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It had been a long time since I read this piece but it was forwarded to me by a friend after being re-posted this past January. It originally aired in 2009. Surely something could have changed by now?! (I placed just a portion of the letter below, for the full version follow the link.)

My new thought in reading this is less about the actual content and more about the fact that someone (it just happens to be President Carter) was pushed to the point of leaving his lifelong faith community over a theological stance that has real world implications.

I am repeatedly having the conversation with godly, faithful followers of Jesus who are lost. Lost in that they don’t know where to go for church, for community, for service or for education and training. They entered adulthood excited about the possibilities they considered as an adolescent and feel lied to or let down as they learn of the deception and discrimination perpetuated in the name of orthodoxy and orthopraxy.

One dear friend described the church this way…”It’s like having one of your best friends marrying a woman you don’t like and trying to figure out how to maintain the relationship. The bride of Christ, she can be a bitch and yet, she’s still the one Jesus chose so we’ve got to figure out how to love her too.”

I am curious what pushes you to continue loving the church and how this might mean seeking a different community in which to serve God? I am curious what would push you to sever ties? Many lament the consumer culture around churches and dismiss it as shallow on the part of those who “church shop”. I get that and I can get on board to an extent. But maybe, just maybe we see movement or even more the dropping away for many from church not because of disinterest or being shallow but because they actually care and cannot stand to be a part of the distortion and mutilation of what God intended.

I am also curious what we are teaching our young people that leads to such damaging faith fractures as they mature and enter a season of life where they are more apt to question what is taught and to put together the ramifications of narrow boundaries. How do we do better youth ministry, honestly and actually keep our jobs?

I am concerned both about the faith of leaders as well as that of those they are leading when we no longer feel we have space to speak up and ask questions and choose instead to depart to an isolated wandering world of Christians looking for others who also feel they can no longer be a part of their tradition.

One final note of hope, I do love the repeated metaphor of adoption. Perhaps it is in realizing that we have been abandoned, orphaned so to speak that we can find the true family of God. Perhaps.

Losing my religion for equality…by Jimmy Carter

Women and girls have been discriminated against for too long in a twisted interpretation of the word of God.

I HAVE been a practicing Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith is a source of strength and comfort to me, as religious beliefs are to hundreds of millions of people around the world. So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult. It was, however, an unavoidable decision when the convention’s leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be “subservient” to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service…

The carefully selected verses found in the Holy Scriptures to justify the superiority of men owe more to time and place - and the determination of male leaders to hold onto their influence - than eternal truths. Similar biblical excerpts could be found to support the approval of slavery and the timid acquiescence to oppressive rulers.

I am also familiar with vivid descriptions in the same Scriptures in which women are revered as pre-eminent leaders. During the years of the early Christian church women served as deacons, priests, bishops, apostles, teachers and prophets. It wasn’t until the fourth century that dominant Christian leaders, all men, twisted and distorted Holy Scriptures to perpetuate their ascendant positions within the religious hierarchy.

The truth is that male religious leaders have had - and still have - an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world. This is in clear violation not just of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights but also the teachings of Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul, Moses and the prophets, Muhammad, and founders of other great religions - all of whom have called for proper and equitable treatment of all the children of God. It is time we had the courage to challenge these views.

When the Giants in your life are your fellow staff

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A funny thing happend at the YS Unconference this past week.

A veteran youth worker had recently been told that he was teaching wrong and that he had been for years. His example came from teaching about David and Goliath and offering a look at the biblical text, setting in context and then transitioning to talking with his students about the giants in their lives…what seems to threaten their very existence and faith. He told stories of rich conversations and it being a great time with teens leaning into reliance on God when something seems insurmountable. The critique came not in that he moved to application of the principles from the passage regarding David and Goliath, rather that he did not make it end with Jesus nor tie it to the death, burial and crucifixion of Jesus in some way.

He was sincerely struggling and questioning whether he had been teaching wrong all along as he was increasingly running into leaders, in particular young (and by young I mean late 20′s – early 40′s) leaders that taught all teaching must be directly or indirectly about Jesus to be legitimate in a Christian church. In fact, it seems after 20+ years in youth ministry, he now finds himself serving with a ministerial staff which is split on whether this is or is not the only way to bring about formational teaching in a ministry.

There seems to be a sort of sick obsession with Jesus in certain circles. I am acutely aware that this very sentence that I just wrote can be taken wildly out of context but there it is. It is an obsession that sounds so good as we seek to be followers of Christ when in reality it distorts scripture, context and deems one hermeneutical lens as THE hermeneutical lens. It denies the Trinity, belittles the Old Testament and offers a truncated version of what it means to join the great cloud of witnesses who came before us. Our teenagers deserve better than this.

I hope the youth pastor who was sharing felt affirmed by the end of our time in the circle. In our small group, clearly all but one were appalled and trying to encourage him. The one who seemed in full agreement with those who said “Jesus Only”. Interestingly, this one man was so confident in what he held, that he simply made his statement then turned to texting rather than offering any pastoral presence or response. Apparently “Jesus Only” also means dropping your statements of absolute truth like a declarative wall to either surmount or to keep you out.

Be encouraged my new friend…this too is a Giant that with the help of God (including the entire Trinity) you will be able to slay!

joining the holy sisterhood

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Every ten years or so I consider looking into joining the sisterhood, ya know, the nunnery. No, I didn’t grow up Catholic, have never been Catholic, didn’t even attend Catholic school. I do however respect much of the witness and ministry of sisters around the globe. Like most organizations in the world, the sisters do the real work, they’re on the front lines, active and present in neighborhoods with the poorest of the poor, healing hurts, righting wrongs, and mending brokenness. Imagine living in community with in a diverse company of women who are all living out what they believe God has called them to do and be in neighborhoods with people everywhere. Sisters can change the world.

When I was in my twenties, I worked in a Catholic Orphanage and spent time up-close with the nuns who were administrators of the place. I remember a couple of sassy, no-nonsense, f-bomb flipping nuns who were not reticent to let you know their thoughts or when they were angry about some injustice that would impact the children in our care. They were righteous sisters.

With the selection of the new pope, I’m attracted once again to the sisters. Pope Francis, whose chosen name derives from Francis of Assisi, a 12th century Italian friar and preacher who left the creaturely comforts of his family background and took a vow to live in poverty with the poor and suffering. Saint Francis of Assisi is known also for his relationship with nature and the environment. He’s said to be one of the first known people to receive stigmata, the actual wounds of the passion of Christ. Today, Pope Francis also makes a choice to identify with the poor of the world. He flaunts simplicity and throws off any signs of opulence in lifestyle. He prefers walking among the people and touching the people vs. reigning above and apart from the people. This Passion Week, in an act of reverence, the Pope lay on the floor of St. Peter’s Basilica during Good Friday’s Mass at the Vatican. Yesterday, Maundy Thursday the Pope kissed and washed the feet of young offenders at a youth detention center during the Mass of the Lord’s Supper. This Pontiff’s humility and commitment to the poor has apparently always been evident even before his rise to the high calling of Pope. Those who knew him before, tell stories of his everyday simplicity, living in a small home, cooking his own meals, riding public buses and walking in the neighborhood.

Yes, yes, I know, there are concerns about this Pope’s extreme conservatism in other realms, particularly LGBTQ issues. Notwithstanding, his commitment to the least of these is commendable. So I have decided to revisit my desire to join the sisters, taking my own vow of poverty, living, being, and doing, in community. At this point in my life I don’t feel like I’m losing out or missing anything. There’s no huge social sacrifice to make. My own husband, my own children, my own home and car? My students think I’m already a nun. As a matter of fact, maybe I really did miss my calling. I like what I see unraveling in this re-branding of Roman Catholicism via the new Francis. I just hope it’s not too late for me. Hey sisters, wait up! Here I come!

 

 

Happy Easter friends! And Happy April 1st (April Fools) ~ all due respect to the holy sisterhood but I’m joking about joining, I’ll probably never join the real nunnery and you probably wouldn’t even want me      images